my weird ass feelings:3
Okay, so today I asked this random guy how he felt about birthday sex and he’s like, “It’s fantastic. But hey, it’s my birthday..” I was like, “OMG, I LOVE THAT SONG TOO!” lol, it was hilarious at the time. Oh and today I had so much fun selling yearbooks! I danced for like six periods straight. Simpson was entertained by lack of dancing skills. #hoedownthrowdownswag. Today was fantastic if you couldn’t tell. Toneisha’s tryna set me up with people.. It’s like, “Bitch, sit yo’ ass down”
Anyway! My feelings!:
Well, let’s see:
Erm, this whole relationship thing is funny af. Not in a bad way either. But I think it’s funny that we’re not dating anymore. Yes? Uhh, I lost my train of thought… Ohyeah, didn’t I tell you that in the end you’ll see if it was the right decision? Well, answer me now, did you make the right choice? Personally, I think you did. But at the same time I don’t. The don’t side is from my own selfish point of view, but that’s for a different day. You seem happy. Yeah, i do take small glances at you, awkward ones, yesss. But you do look happier, no lie. Hmn, but I still want to talk about this thing, when you have everything figured out.
Am I the only one who has this feeling that it’s like, if your friends ever found out who you really were that they’d hate you and not want to be your friend? I have that feeling a lot lately. I dunno why. It’s like only Joey, Mark, Jessie and Michaela know who I really am and what goes through my mind. I mean, those three know that when I start using abbreviations, or use wrong grammar, or don’t use punctuation, I’m pretty upset. All they ask is what’s wrong. And I can tell them, because they don’t judge because they have kinda been through the same thing. That’s like four friends I truly have. Hmmn, I miss them. But like, my other friends are kinda judgmental and they’ll drop you as soon as you do something that isn’t up to their standards. That’s why they don’t know much about me. Meerm, yeah
I feel like I’m changing too much. I use to have like the whole school as my friend. Not even gonna lie, people thought I was popular. LOL, me with friends? WHAT?! Haha, I was like in the second section of the school’s popularity. I’m still there, so I’m told, but with new friends. Annie said I was moving up, because I was friends with “popular” people. Nigga, what the fuck is popular? I try to be friends with everyone, because no one deserves to be friendless. I may seem like a bitch, but I care a ton about what people think, how people see themselves and people’s self esteem. I can’t stand to see an upset person, I’ll always listen to their problem, but if it’s someone I don’t know I want to help them. No one deserves to have tears come down their face, or have to self harm in the world. It’s there, but I hate that I can’t always do something about it. I stopped Joey, but that’s one person. I want to change someone’s life for the better. I actually think that’d be so amazing. I want someone to say, “Ayannah, you really helped me a lot. Thanks”. But, it hasn’t happened. I can wait for it to happen, I’m in no rush. Well, Joey and Mark said I changed their life, but it’s only because I helped them stop harming and see more positive things in life. Hmn, I don’t think that’s changing someone’s life, per-se.
Oh and another thing, I’m kinda tired of this hatred with Carly, and everyone else and it circulating around. It’s like, “Is your bitch ass still on the subject?”. I’m over it. I have been for awhile now, I’m isolating anyone who causes drama in my life anymore. It stresses me out and makes me do stupid things. Erm, I don’t really mind her anymore. Like if she said hi to me, I would be shocked at first, but be like “hello, Carly”. I wouldn’t be a bitch and be like, “BITCH, FUCK YO’ FACE. SIT YO’ BITCHASS DOWWWN,”. That.. that would be uncalled for. Funny, but uncalled for.
I really wish I could write essays like that. If it was about my random ass thoughts I’d be greeeat. But yeah, those are my feelings. Haha. I hope everyone had a good day tomorrow and if you didn’t, there’s always tomorrow so don’t get down. Keep your head up, they would love to see you fall, but don’t give them the chance to see it happen.
